Talking about funerals feels weird. It's not a conversation that anyone wants to have, particularly with their loved ones. Why would we want to have an awkward conversation about funerals? Well we might not want to, but maybe we should have awkward conversations about funerals?
The other day after I'd finished a funeral service, a man approached me and said, "where do I sign up?" for a second I was confused and then he added, "when I go, I want you to do my funeral". He went on to explain that he'd never heard of a celebrant before and he'd really liked what I'd done and how the service was a celebration of the person's life.
He said he'd looked into religious services, but had decided they weren't for him as he'd never really been a church goer, he'd thought about asking a humanist minister, but he said after sitting in the service today, he said, "I really just want it to be about me."
As we chatted more, he told me that he'd been married twice, his first wife had died when they were 50 and he'd gone on to remarry, he said that his wife didn't know a lot about his early life and he wanted to include bits about that too.
We spoke about how he could make some notes and leave them for his wife, or when he was ready, we could sit down and he could tell me his life story.
The conversation set me thinking, very often when I go and see families and indeed with the deaths of my own parents, people are at a loss as to what their loved one might want. My mum's death was very quick and so we had never spoken about music, or poetry. We were a family who talked a lot, so we knew all about her life and we were able to choose music by artists we knew she loved.
With my dad, we knew what was going to happen, but we never spoke about what he might want. We ended up piecing together things that he'd said over the years and putting his service together from that. He'd always joked that he wanted "I'm a Blue Toothbrush, You're a Pink Toothbrush" playing and we knew he'd want everyone in his trademark Hawaiian shirts.
But why don't we talk about death and funeral services? I think it's because it's awkward, it's sad, there's a fear of "what you think about, you bring about", but it is an important conversation to have. It's the final thing you can do for someone, it's the final celebration of someone's life, everything they were, what they meant to people and the legacy they've left.
Some people will sign up for a funeral plan, where they will state certain things they'd like; music choices, where they'd like to be buried, flowers, donations, minister etc. So I thought I'd put together a form where, if you're not comfortable chatting to your family that you can download for free and fill in some information for them.
If you want, download the form, fill it in and then leave it somewhere safe for your family. I've also worked with people who have wanted to plan their own funeral. If you'd like to know more then please feel free to contact me via my website or email katiethecelebrant@gmail.com
I hope it helps.
Katie x
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