Working with families, I find that one of the things they struggle with when it comes to planning a funeral, is choosing the music for their loved ones funeral.
I have always been a huge fan of music and growing up, we were the family that always had the radio on. My parents had eclectic music tastes so I grew up listening to them play everything from Frank Sinatra and Ella Fitzgerald to the Rolling Stones and the Troggs and everything in-between!
Even now, if I put my music onto shuffle, anything could come up from Eminem to Bros to ACDC and Dean Martin.... it's a rollercoaster being in the car with me and listening to music.
Music is an incredibly emotive thing and it can evoke so many memories and feelings. It can make you happy, sad, it can take you back to a certain event or it can be the boost you need when you've got to do something that frightens you.
One of the questions I get asked a lot by families when it comes to choosing the music for their loved ones service is...
"Do you think this song is appropriate?"
My reply is always this...
"If it's a song that means something to your loved one or is something that's important to your family then it's appropriate."
I speak from experience on this. Ever since I can remember my Dad would always joke that when his time came, he wanted us to play Max Bygraves "I'm a Pink Toothbrush, You're a Blue Toothbrush", because he wanted to make people laugh. He'd say, "I don't want people warping and wailing", plus there was a little bit of a rebel that lived inside my dad and he really didn't like to conform with the norm. So, when the time came, my sister and I knew that whatever other bits of music we included, this song had to be there.
Would you find this Max Bygraves "classic" on a list of appropriate funeral songs? Of course not! Was it appropriate for my Dad and our family? Absolutely! It was a longstanding family joke and the best way of honouring my Dad was to play that song.
So, please don't get caught up in thinking about whether others will think a song is appropriate, instead choose pieces of music that best honour your loved one.
Choose the songs that you know will forever remind you of them, the ones they sang at the top of their voices, the one that got them on the dance floor at a family party, the one they played on repeat in the car.
If it's a song that will always make you think of them, then that's a song you should choose.
I'd love to know about the music you've chosen for a loved one and why?
If you would like to speak to me about officiating at your loved ones funeral, then please contact me via my website or email katiethecelebrant@gmail.com
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