There is no right or wrong way to deal with grief, but one thing that's really helped me over the years in journalling.
I have always loved to write, even when I was a child, I'd always be scribbling stories in a notebook and after reading "The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole", I even kept my own diary for a while (although mine was nowhere near as funny!)
As an adult, I still write ... a lot! I find it therapeutic and a form of escapism.
After my Dad died and I was struggling to make sense of everything and deal with the pressures of probate, moving house and running a business. Dealing with my grief and giving myself time to process what had happened was just getting lost in a mire of what everyone else needed from me. Someone suggested journalling to me.
At first, I thought, I really haven't got time to be scribbling my deepest darkest thoughts into a notebook and I wasn't sure I particularly wanted to. But they suggested I started by simply writing a list of five things every day that I was grateful for.
I started doing it, I found that my list contained everything from someone making me a cup of tea, to going out for dinner with friends to enjoying a dog walk. The lists really started to help as I found myself looking for the good in every day or I'd plan something to look forward to, if I knew I had some difficult tasks to do. It helped shift my mindset away from worrying about everything.
On other occasions I found writing down a quote I'd seen that summed up how I was feeling, or cut a picture or an article out of a magazine. It really helped me and I think more than anything else, it just made me take ten minutes every day that were just mine.
If journalling isn't for you, then a gratitude list is a really easy thing to do, you can even keep a note on your phone. iPhone now has a journalling app. A friend of mine posts her list on Facebook everyday and includes a few photos as well. Another friend just posts one positive photo every day.
If journalling is your thing or you fancy giving it a go, then here's a few suggestions that you might try to help you understand your grief. Please keep in mind, that I am not an expert, these are just a few suggestions, there are a number of places that you can get proper help if you're really struggling and I'll post links at the end of this blog.
Journalling Prompts;
The toughest time of my day is....
I'm really missing....
My grief triggers include...
The people who form my support system are...
The thing I'm struggling the most with is...
I find it helpful when...
Things that I find comforting...
These are just a few suggestions, but they might help.
As I promised, grief can be an incredibly complex issue and sometimes it can be totally overwhelming, please don't suffer alone, there are many places that can offer you help and advice, these are just a few suggestions, your local GP, The Good Grief Trust, Cruse Bereavement Care, or the Children's Bereavement Centre.
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