Attending a funeral in the UK can vary depending on the family's religious or cultural background, but there are some common elements you can generally expect.
In this blog, I'll mainly talk about what to expect when you attend a funeral at a crematorium.
1. Attending the Funeral Venue.
Location: Funerals are typically held in churches, crematoriums, or cemeteries.
Dress Code: Traditional attire is usually somber and respectful. Black is common, but dark colors like navy or grey are also appropriate. Some families might request specific dress codes or colors to reflect the personality or wishes of the deceased, I"ve conducted services where the family have requested that people where someone's football team colours or the deceased's favourite colour. Normally the family will let you know this beforehand.
2. Order of Service
Entrance: Normally the celebrant or minister will lead everyo9ne into the chapel, followed by the coffin and then the FDuneral Director will escort the family in. However if you'd like everyone to be seated first, then that is OK, there is no fixed rule to this, do whatever feels comfortable for you as a family.
The Ceremony:
Religious Services: For religious funerals, expect hymns, prayers, and readings from religious texts. A priest, minister, or religious leader will often lead the service.
Non-Religious Services: These may include readings, poems, eulogies, and music chosen by the family. A celebrant or family member might lead the service.
Eulogies and Tributes: Family members or close friends often deliver eulogies, sharing memories and stories about the deceased.
Music: Music will normally feature as part of a service, traditionally there's a piece of music to enter the chapel to, a piece in the middle for a moment of reflection and a piece to exit to.
3. Committal
Cremation: This is the moment where final goodbyes are said, some families choose to leave the curtains open at the end of the service, so they can say or touch the coffin on their way out and others prefer to have them closed. It is personal choice, in all the cremnatoriums I've worked in, the coffin doesn't move it stays in situ.
Burial: If it’s a burial, the committal happens at the graveside. Guests may gather around as the coffin is lowered into the ground. A few words may be spoken, and sometimes guests are invited to throw a handful of earth or flowers onto the coffin as a final gesture.
4. After the Service
The Wake: After the funeral, it's common to attend a wake n. This is often held at a family home, pub, or community hall, where food and drinks are served. The mood here can be more relaxed as guests share memories and offer condolences.
Condolences: Guests usually take time to speak to the bereaved family, offering their sympathies and support.
5. Other Considerations
Flowers and Donations: Guests may bring flowers, but some families may request donations to a charity in lieu of flowers.
Children at Funerals: This depends on the family's wishes; some prefer not to have children present, while others see it as a normal part of family life. If you are thinking of taking a child to a funeral, then charities like the Children's Bereavement Centre offer some really good resources to help you explain things.
Attending a funeral is about paying respects, offering support to the bereaved, and honoring the life of the deceased, so being sensitive to the family's wishes is key.
If you'd like to talk to me about conducting a service for your loved one, then please get in touch either via my website or email katiethecelebrant@gmail.com
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